Glee Club drop out

Welp, tonight was the winter concert at school and it did not go well. LS is in the Glee club. They have only had one other performance so far but the first one was in front of a church at night outdoors. Different setting. Nothing noticeably weird happened. We were not so lucky tonight. LS was front and center on stage so I couldn't see her much because the director was standing in front of her (no coincidence there). At first when I did see her she was singing and everything seemed well and I felt tears coming on because I was so proud she could be part of the group and participating. Then during the 3rd song I noticed she took her santa hat off. Then she was chewing the hat and rubbing the fluff ball at the end of it all over her face. Then at the last song she was making weird faces and sticking her tongue out at the audience. And then...after the last song she ran out to the edge of the stage by herself and did a big dramatic bow curtsy. I was trying to crawl under my chair so I didn't see anything else she did but when the curtains were closing she was back in her spot in the front row, reaching her arms out and the last thing I saw of her she was yelling MOMMY! desperately looking out in the crowd for me before the curtains closed on her face. I had moved to sit with her bff's parents so that could have been part of the problem. I wasn't where she last saw me. But still....! Really???

Oh, and then instead of going to sit with the other Glee kids on the bleachers to watch the Samba drum kids perform, LS somehow found me in the audience and sat on my lap and made monkey sounds and flailed around and people stared at us. I knew the drumming was too loud for her and it was really hard to control her flailing. 

Then after all that.... people still had the nerve to tell me "Oh she's fine" "she's so cute" "she was enjoying herself" etc. I'm tired of the pacifying comments. 

One of the Glee volunteers lectured LS afterward, about pulling the bowing stunt. Told her that the applause was for the whole group, not just for her. 

I know, I know. It was loud. It was crowded. There was an audience. All ingredients for disaster. But I get lulled into thinking she can do these things. Because of all the things people say to me and how they refuse to acknowledge reality Instead everyone wants me to believe everything is just fine. All kids are like that. Kids go through things. Blah blah blah. It just makes the let downs a bigger fall. 

Really, what really gets me is that no one will let me just be entitled to a little heartbreak for even a minute. The heartbreak that all their kids can stand there singing, just singing, (and they all did, I looked at all the other kids) but mine can't. Or swim. Or ride a bike. Or tie shoes. Or go to Boys & Girls Club after school. Or go to ballet class. Or movies. Or restaurants. Or stores. Or do drum line next year like I hoped (because LS has impeccable rhythm). Or who knows what else. Yes, she is mainstreamed and can do a lot more than other ASD kids and I'm grateful she doesn't have the medical problems of some, but it makes it so confusing because we don't know where we fit in. 

Elf on a shelf: Keep it clean!

You 'elf on a shelf' people need to keep it clean! At the bus stop today the parents were sharing photos of their elf on the shelf pooping out hershey's kisses. The kids all thought it was hilarious. Unfortunately, so did LS. When she's still talking about it and reliving the moment in June, and they are sick of hearing about it, I will remind them it's their fault. But all they have to do is hear about it at the bus stop once a day. For me it could be years of hearing about it daily, any time, all the time, and in appropriate places and at inappropriate times.

Piano recital

LS had a piano recital Sunday afternoon. Though it was a casual open house style recital I still wasn't able to get video of her playing her songs because it all happened so fast. Literally. She pretty much just barged into the room of quietly seated guests and announced she was next up to play. Luckily she at least let the boy who was already at the piano finish before she plopped down and started playing, without even taking a breath or waiting for her teacher to finish introducing her.

She played the pieces very well and even did an encore. There was applause, and laughter (the laughter due to her lack of hesitation to get up there and have her turn). Unfortunately, any kind of attention can cause things to take a turn for the weird...and they did. The next step toward the weird was LS marching around in the middle of the room shaking the jingle bells and yelling "everybody shake it!" That's okay. It was festive. And gained more laughter. But then it devolved to her going up to the piano again in between sets, banging a nonsense chord and yelling "goose in the toilet!"  I took her out of the room after that but then she escaped and ran back in, running around with the jingle bells yelling "everyone shake your tummies!" That was our cue to leave before things got worse, and she had already attracted the "I wonder what's wrong with her" looks. So we said goodbye to her teacher and left. Overall it was a success. She didn't pull up her dress and show her underwear during the bow like last year. And no one was hurt. 

Bloody math

The little twerp of an autism dr we visit just once a year, who doesn't even have kids, was actually scolding me about letting LS play and watch Minecraft. Meanwhile, he doesn't even know what Minecraft is.

"But what about the violence???" He lisped dramatically.

I tried to explain the game and that killing isn't really the objective. I didn't bother explaining the creative mode, the building, the fact that it helps her have something in common to talk about with other kids, that other kids are more tolerant of her behavior when they have something in common, etc.

Explaining the Stampy Cat Youtube channel was even harder--why I let her watch videos obsessively, videos of someone else playing Minecraft...

He gave a scolding, warning look and proceeded with the yearly evaluation of academics. After the reading and spelling evaluation, he gave LS the math worksheet.

"Oh, bloody math," LS muttered.

He turned to me with wide eyes, "Did she just say 'bloody' math???"

"Well yeah," I admitted. "That comes from watching Stampy Cat. He's british..."

"See...." he shooked his head shamefully. "They repeat what they hear...."

Of course I didn't tell him that Stampy actually used worse language in earlier videos, before he realized his audience was mostly kids. There was the day LS stumbled across one of these earlier videos and thankfully was fully immersed in building something in creative mode, while the video was chromecasting to the tv, so she didn't hear Stampy say "fucktard penis head."

Yep, that made my head whip around. For sure.

At least LS didn't say THAT at the dr appointment. Even though that would be the best place, of all places, to say it.

Maybe next time... : )