Oh, and then instead of going to sit with the other Glee kids on the bleachers to watch the Samba drum kids perform, LS somehow found me in the audience and sat on my lap and made monkey sounds and flailed around and people stared at us. I knew the drumming was too loud for her and it was really hard to control her flailing.
Then after all that.... people still had the nerve to tell me "Oh she's fine" "she's so cute" "she was enjoying herself" etc. I'm tired of the pacifying comments.
One of the Glee volunteers lectured LS afterward, about pulling the bowing stunt. Told her that the applause was for the whole group, not just for her.
I know, I know. It was loud. It was crowded. There was an audience. All ingredients for disaster. But I get lulled into thinking she can do these things. Because of all the things people say to me and how they refuse to acknowledge reality Instead everyone wants me to believe everything is just fine. All kids are like that. Kids go through things. Blah blah blah. It just makes the let downs a bigger fall.
Really, what really gets me is that no one will let me just be entitled to a little heartbreak for even a minute. The heartbreak that all their kids can stand there singing, just singing, (and they all did, I looked at all the other kids) but mine can't. Or swim. Or ride a bike. Or tie shoes. Or go to Boys & Girls Club after school. Or go to ballet class. Or movies. Or restaurants. Or stores. Or do drum line next year like I hoped (because LS has impeccable rhythm). Or who knows what else. Yes, she is mainstreamed and can do a lot more than other ASD kids and I'm grateful she doesn't have the medical problems of some, but it makes it so confusing because we don't know where we fit in.